OOPS!

Last night was interesting. I kicked it with this girl that I only met once. The first time we hung out it was kinda boring..lol I'm not trying to talk shit but she was so quiet but last night..DAAMMMNNN!!! lol...she was still quiet but now I know it's true the quiet ones are the ones you have to look out for because I didn't expect that shit to happen. It was cool though I had fun she got my attention but I'm not trying to have a relationship right now.

The Truth..

I'm the person who would fuck with peoples minds. I would play games just as to see how far I can take them. To see how deep they would let me in on their emotions. Preying on every mind. Never once did I feel a single emotion nor sympathy for anyone. It was just another game, another name on the list as I call it. At first I wasn't aware of what I had always done. A friend later told me of the damage that I seem to do because I did it to her. Not by letting her in on my very own emotions. Taking every drop she had of emotion just feeding on it. It never seemed to be enough so the next I went continuing with all that I find. Having them fall and making them believe love is on my mind when in fact being so selfish in taking all that they had to give emotionally then pushing them away. To have no conscious for this sickness that I've developed.

Is there hope for change? They say when the right person comes along you will not be able to play that game.

However has that day come. The one who started out to be a game became more precious to me then expected. After knowing them I didn't want to be that person anymore. Being that person was all that I've known to be the monster I've created. Willing to change for just one. How can this be possible? Why am I scared to lose something that's not mine? Why can't I just push them away like the rest? Why does it feel like pushing them away is the hardest thing I have to do? Why do I care for them so much? Why do I find it difficult to resist this feeling? It's something that's never happened to me before. Have I really changed?


??????

Continuously..

Why do I keep feeling like I'm falling so deep? No rope is long enough to get me out of this hole. My mind continuously is running around in circles and I end up back where I started. Feeling like I've been running for miles none stop yet to reach not even the half way point. The past that's feeding on my worse dark memories, eating me alive. Foreshadowing why I've become this monster. Asking the same questions over again. What is my purpose? Why does my life feel like it's repeating it's self? Drugs can not cure this pain. Maybe for a quick moment but it won't change the path that you take.


I'm on a bad downer today =(